Hurricane Sandy Comparison

It has been a few weeks now since Hurricane Sandy. The night of the storm it was to my great relief that my son and I were safely tucked away in my friends big, well built house on a hill in, aptly named, Richmond Hill. My son and I also live in Richmond Hill but in a much smaller American bungalow, every noise and howling from the storm was intensified as it pressed against the creaks and cracks of a home built 100 years ago.
There was another family taking shelter within her home, a family from one of the hardest hit areas in Rockaway. Both woman's husbands are fireman - both were at work.
As we sat in the kitchen huddled by the FDNY's internet page of citiwide incidents and recieved phone calls from their husbands we could hear and visualize the hell that was taking place around us.
As our children played, safe from the knowledge of what was taking place around them.
I was dizzy and felt almost out of body as my mind raced ahead into time.
I could at that moment see to this moment. I could see the devastation, not just of homes but of lives. So many lives. My mind for some inexplicable reason started to visualize and describe to me what the family sitting across from me would be enduring. I felt I did not belong there. I felt like a harbinger of woeful news. The friend from the Rockaways was talking about when she would go home the next day. There was tak of when the kids get back to school. A part of me wanted to spew out the truth as I was being predicted in my mind's eye - the other part of me, just wanted to hug her and yet another part of me wanted to just ignore it all and go about talking the typical conversation of daily muses.
Now that the storm has left and days have passed that are completely new and disorienting to the community, I can now secretly feel that they understand some of the pain that my son and I experienced prior to Hurricane Sandy.  I can relate to their disorientation, their anger, their rightful feelings of hurt and feeling abandonded by God.  I can't say this to them, I am sure they would disagree and say I am being self centered for saying my pain was greater then that of those who survived the storm.
But their pain and loss misplaced their community, their valuables, in most cases, or at least the ones surrounding my immediate area,  it didn't wipe out thier family.
Family Court and the man who was part of imprgnanting me shattered my family in a way that was as painful if not more then those whose homes were effected by the storm.
In the same way that you could scold those who lived so close to the water and those who chose not to evacuate, you could say the same toward my pain.
I was not in a frame of mind to protect myself when I happened upon my sons father. I was going through a difficult time in my own life. Not treating myself the way I should, unable to make choices that would lead to bettering my health. He outrightly took advantage of a situation for his own needs.
Becoming pregnant was the result.
I knew from a past regretful situation, part of which helped create me to become more unhealthy, that destroying something that is being birthed is wholly destructive. I chose to keep the child and not make the child pay for mistakes made by two grown adults.
I have had to protect myself and my child from this man ever since.
Most people want to judge me and say I was wrong to have allowed the child to live to begin with, some want to blame me for his behavior and others just do not want to be bothered.
Those who have stood by my and my sons side have gone through a lot of heart ache as they endure along with me the unjust court system and a sick man's need for control.
I have always approached him as my sons father believing he has every right as I do to parent and have the opportunity to love this child.  After dealing with this person through many situations and crossroads, it is as if Hurricane Sandy entered my and my sons life and lives to destroy and harm and ruin a family, that of my son and I.  I have lost my life savings trying to protect my son, I have tuyrned to the police and the courts both of which did not take responsible or humane problem solving. They were concerned about 'splitting' the child, regardless of the circumstances.  It would be comparable to someone in the Rockaways or Long Beach whose home was destroyed by the storm and turned to the resources put in place for such a catastrophe and the response from these governement issued relief would be - well you lived by the water so we are turning our back to you.
Not only did the inner workings of family court turn their back on my son and I but they ripped my son from his life that he knew, ripped him away from his mother and split him internally in two.
As I turned to them for help, they twisted the truth, they said they 'did not have time for this', they feel asleep as I tried to impart to them necessary information in making a decision. They hardened their hearts to my son and I. They turned away from us and felt 'put upon' by having to be in the middle of a 'couples' inability to make parenting decisions.
This 'man' still has no regard for my sons well being. My son struggles constantly for some semblance of home life as he once had. Our lives were forever changed by hurtful and hateful people. The pain and agony my son and I had to endure as we were ripped from the safety and comfort of one another was beyond devastating.  Having your son sobbing in your arms as he retells to you how he thought I was dead because he was kept from seeing or speaking to me for the 10 days his father took him for vacation. Not allowing my son to have any contact with me was a regular sick act by the 'father'.  Meanwhile, I was expected by friends and family to 'get on with life.', not to allow him to 'get to me', to go out and meet someone.  Everytime I tried to move on I felt like that disturbed woman who partied as her child was missing.  People kept would reason it as 'this is what happens when you have a child out of wedlock.' In the same way you could blame those for having chosen to live so close to the water. I chose to live in Richmond Hill for the exact reason of a fear I held that is now happening to these families. I chose to live on a hill to avoid what they are going through right now. I do not judge them for their choice. I am here to help them cope with their loses. To give support in any way I can.  We all chose things because of our love for themThose people loved nature, the water, the life style it gave them.  I loved life, and chose not to be a force of destruction toward life. My sons father would have prefered that I did not chose to keep the child and to this day acts as a force of destruction. He now covertly hides it behind his 'fight' to 'take custody' of his son, 5 years after the child was born and when the prospect of having to pay the fair amount of child support arises.  The child he could not give an iota of care towards even to this day as he pawns him off on his girlfriend.  When I hear or see someone who lost their home or car to Hurricane Sandy, my heart goes out to them, I know they are facing the loss of having the lifestyle that they felt safe and loved participating in. The nature they adored and respected took from them what they built their love around. But they seem to me to be the lucky ones. They still have one another. Their concious is clear as far as defending their families against a storm - they were defenseless, you cannot chose to keep a storm away.  I on the other hand, I had opportunities to keep a storm away and without the help, compassion, understanding of others who were in the postion to help, truly through the lack of understanding, the refusal to offer compassion and sheer judgement, I am facing the near loss of my home, bankruptcy and constant psychological and emotional mistreatment and abuse.
I am keeping my mind on hope, on the belief that their is a God whom I can pray to and ask foregiveness for what got me into the mess to begin with, allowing myself to be unprotected toward a man who showed no care for humanity. I ask God to be the thread that mends the heart of my son and I back together. I ask God puts it in the hearts of those we come in contact with to have understanding and compassion rather then judgement and scorn. I ask that those who are now facing the horror and disorientation of having your home ripped apart, even though theirs is only in a material way, that they could extend compassion in realizing my son and my home was ripped apart not only on a material and financial way but to the core of our being. Imagine not only your home but your child being taken away on a constant basis. I ask God to rebuild my son and my life stronger, more abundant in our time together, more loving and comforting and safe in our time together, shared with those who want to love and protect us and treat us with love and respect. I ask God to bless us once again with the finances I had saved through my work. I ask God to keep my son and I safe from any human form or natural form of destruction. I am God's loving child. I hope those who are feeling the torment of life's natural and human destruction turn thier hearts, minds, souls, ears toward the Ever Living Being that is love, God.